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Murphy's Nurses
Murphy's Laws, as seen by Nurses - "If something can go wrong, it will"

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Brown buttonThe doctor's just about to examine a patient when you realise you've lost your pencil and find a rectal thermometer behind your ear.
Brown buttonThe doctor with the the Handwriting from Hell is the one who makes the worst fuss when disturbed at 3am ... usually because their insulin prescription could be ... anything.
Brown buttonYou have been working flat all day without even a coffee break, but the moment you sit down, the supervisor walks around the corner and sees you doing nothing.
Brown buttonYou never use foul language, except when the boss is standing behind you.
Brown buttonWhen you need the money, your shift is cancelled; when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.
Brown buttonRealizing the patient you've just injected has a serious infection causes you to stab yourself with the used needle.
Brown button

A 500 pound patient needs all care, while your 80 pound patient needs a finger dressing ... and your colleague has a "bad back."

Brown buttonIt's your first night shift for three years. And it's a full moon.
Brown buttonYou're doing the "Only 27 more minutes of the shift from hell happy-dance", only to turn around to see your supervisor standing there.
Brown buttonIn a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer the most advice and the least support.
Brown buttonThe absurdity of the suggestion is directly proportional to the distance from the bedside.
Brown buttonAs soon as you finish a thirty minute dressing the doctor will come in, and take a look at the wound.
Brown buttonThe disoriented patient always comes from a Nursing Home whose beautiful paperwork has no phone number on it.
Brown buttonYour nose will itch the very moment your gloved hands get contaminated with bodily fluids.
Brown buttonThe patient who has been dying all night finally meets his maker 12.5 minutes before shift change.
Brown buttonYou walk out of a patient's room after you've asked them if they need anything: they will put the call bell on as you are about three quarters the way down the hall.
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And the Catch-22 of Nursing:

If you're running around horribly busy, you're disorganized and must prioritize, but if you're not running around horribly busy, you're lazy and need to find more work.

The Original Murphy's Nurses Compilation © 1998 - 2007 A. Heenan

2 May 2016 | Copyright Andrew Heenan | | Privacy