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Nurse's Dictionary

 A to DE to LM to PR to Z 

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Accident and Emergency ~ Unplanned pregnancy followed (nine months later) by unplanned birth.
Airway ~ The flight path.
Analgesia ~ Paracetamol suppository.
Anus ~ A Latin word for 'year'.
Appendix ~ At the end of a book.
Arsenic ~ Incision for pilonidal sinus.
Artery ~ The study of Painting.
Art Line ~ Route to the galleries.
Ascites ~ Failure to ensure pre-operative marking of the site.
Aspergers ~ No nonsense bowel preparation.
Asphalt ~ Rectal problems.
Astigmatism ~ Not feeling left out at all.
Asymmetry ~ Matching buttocks.
Ataxia ~ Mode of transport with complimentary political commentary.
Atopic ~ The focus of the conversation.
Atrophy ~ We won the cup!
Auto-Eroticism ~ Got a thing about cars.

Bacteria ~ The back door of the cafeteria.
Barium ~ What undertakers do best.
Bile Bag ~ Sharp-tongued woman.
Blood Test ~ Confirming paternity.
Bowel ~ A letter like A, E, I, O, or U.
Bronchopneumonia ~ Rodeo rider's chest infection.
Bronchospasm ~ Rodeo Rider's range of movement after being trampled.

Caesarean Section ~ A ritzy neighborhood in Rome.
Cannulation ~ Preserving food in vacuum-sealed containers.
Cardiology ~ Study of front-fastening knitwear.
Cat Scan ~ Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize ~ Made eye contact with her.
Charge Nurse ~ One with a certificate in defibrillation.
Chest Drain ~ Breast reduction.
Cholera ~ Arrest That Woman!
Clinical Director ~ Receptionist at the outpatient area.
Clotting Time ~ Time to assess that idiot.
Colic ~ A sheep dog.
Colonoscope ~ Device for checking punctuation.
Coma ~ Punctuation mark.
Comatose ~Peripheral vascular patients' pedal digits.
Compound Fracture ~ Interesting fracture generating more interest.
Computed Axial Tomography ~ Scanning system for male cats.
Condom ~ An apartment complex.
Congenital ~ Friendly.
Copulation ~ Sex between two consenting policemen.
Cunnilingus ~ Can speak LOTS of languages.
Cytology ~ The study of vision.
Cytotoxic ~ Can be irritating to the eyes.

Data protection ~ Condom.
~ A tenth of a bell.
Decongestant ~ Scheme for removing traffic from urban areas.
Defecation ~ Mistaking BS for the word of God.
Delivery Suite ~ Home delivery desserts service.
Dermatology ~ The study of Irish males.
Diabetic ~ Welshman obsessed with gambling.
Dialysis ~ Welsh patient keeping his family informed
Diamorphine ~ Narcotic for Welshmen.
Dilate ~ To live long.
Dipsomaniac ~ Compulsive swimmer.
Disarticulation ~ Difficulty speaking.
Discharge Lounge ~ Waiting area for patients needing wound dressings.
Dislocation ~ Confusion about where you are.
Distension ~ Righteous anger when disrespected.
Drip Stand ~ No seating for idiots.
Drug Chart ~ Listing meds in order of popularity.
Drug Dependency ~ Medicine that does what it says on the pack.

 A to DE to LM to PR to Z 

Compiled through the generosity of members of nursing newsgroups - and others. Contributors own the copyright for their items, the collection is © Andrew Heenan & - the pages may be copied for any nursing related purpose, but please include a reference to the source.  Contributions welcome!

Thanks to: Jenni Dodson, BJ Loew, Alan Horn

2 May 2016 | Copyright Andrew Heenan | | Privacy