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Andrew Heenan's Real Nurse Articles


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Murphy's Nurses
Murphy's Laws, as seen by Nurses
- "If something can go wrong, it will"

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Brown buttonYou can please some of the patients all of the time, and all of the patients some of the time, but you just can’t please the family.
Brown button

Management truly believes you are overpaid. But they would never work for what they pay you.

Brown buttonPeople farthest from your work area are the least needy - and least afraid of pushing the nurse call. Invariably.
Brown button

The more minor the injury, the more angry that person is for having to wait. While the little old guy with crushing chest pain says, "Oh, it's ok, I've waited this long already..."

Brown buttonYour patient is finally absorbing their NG feed after days of aspirating - but they pull the tube out just before the consultant does his ward round.
Brown buttonThe number of staff to be found on the ward is inversely proportional to the scale of the emergency.
Brown buttonYou've just given a patient a meal - pie, roast potatoes and a sponge pudding with custard - when the consultant says they're ready for the operation.
Brown buttonA very healthy patient, when admitted to a very small room, will require a vent, a cooling blanket, hemofilter, six pumps and a digital television before the end of your shift, requiring you to climb over the bed to get out of the room.
Brown buttonThe hospital always sends admissions to your nursing home at change of shift on your weekend on - the physician's weekend off.
Brown buttonThe lift always breaks down when the 400 pound patient needs to be transferred from one bed to another.
Brown buttonYou tell your patient, "If you need anything at all, just push the button and I'll be there". She smiles and says she's "Fine, thank you nurse."
The next morning she complains to the physician, "No one came near me all night and I couldn't sleep, because I was in agony."
Brown button

In a life threatening emergency, the speed of the doctor's response is inversely proportional to the speed of the patient's decline.

Brown buttonThat enema you gave four hours ago produces a huge code brown just five minutes before the end of your shift.
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Compiled through the generosity of members of nursing newsgroups - and others. Contributors own the copyright for their items, the collection is © Andrew Heenan & - the pages may be copied for any nursing related purpose, but please include a reference to the source.  Contributions welcome!

Later additions: Thanks to
Alan J. Horn, Cari Czajkoski, CARoantree, Harish Sonigra, Beth O'Brien, Nancy O'Leary, Marcus, Eileen, Orville Fisher, Harish Sonigra, Marianne, Herbst, Deb, bOmdOtkOm, Missy Dixon, NurseByrne, Senor Wences, Ray, Marnie, Sassy, Mike, Bo, Terri, Mary, Jennifer, Dee - they own copyright on their contributions.

The Original Murphy's Nurses Compilation © 1998 - 2007 A. Heenan

2 May 2016 | Copyright Andrew Heenan | | Privacy