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Andrew Heenan's Real Nurse Articles


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Coincidental RN
RN Dictionary
Doctor, Doctor
Ideopathic RN
Murphy's Nurses
True Stories
Nurse Writers
and cartoons by
Kaz, Nurstoon

Doctor, Doctor!

and other medical monstrosities

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'phone"Doctor, doctor, what's the prognosis?"
"I'll give you just two months."
"Could I have July and August?"
"Doctor, Doctor - Give it to me straight ... how long have I got?"
"Ten ... "
"Ten months, ten weeks, ten days ... what?"
"Nine ... "
'phone"Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from deja vu"
"Didn't I see you yesterday?"
"Doctor, Doctor I can't stop my hands shaking."
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
'phone"My wife's contractions are only two minutes apart"
"Is this her first child?"
"No, you idiot - this is her husband!"

"Doctor, Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts, and here... and here... and here... What's wrong with me?"
"You have a broken finger"
'phone"Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places"
"Best not to go back there again then"
"Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a vampire"
"Necks please"
'phone"Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold."
"Don't worry it's just a gilt complex"
"Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?"
"I never make rash promises !"
'phone "Doctor, Doctor, if I give up booze and women, will I live longer?"
"Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer"

"Doctor, doctor, I could use some good news before the bad news"
"We were able to save your left arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"It's on the table."

'phone"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play piano after the operation?"
"Yes, of course"
"That's great - I never could before"

Compiled through the generosity of members of nursing newsgroups - and others.  

Mike Swindlehurst

2 May 2016 | Copyright Andrew Heenan | | Privacy