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Nurse's Dictionary

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Radiology ~ Never missing your favourite show on the radio.
~ Dang near killed 'em.
Redivac ~ Hoover for hire.
Rhesus Factor ~ Reality TV for monkeys.
RTA ~ Dyslexic expression of creativity or imagination, or both

Safety Pin ~ Restraint manouvreused by security personnel.
~ Hiding anything.
Seizure ~ Roman Emperor.
Senna ~ Record-breaking Brazilian racing driver.
Senna Tablets ~ Make you go. Faster.
Serology ~ Study of English knighthood.
Sickle Cell ~ Communist spy ring.
Skin Graft ~ Bribery and corruption in plastic surgery.
Sliding Scale ~ Drunkeness defined by the frequency of falls.
S.O.B ~ Not a nice guy.
Social Workers ~ people who promote a friendly atmosphere at work.
Sphincter ~ What Pharaohs are buried in.
Staph ~ Your colleagues.
Stat ~ Like New York or California.
Sternum ~ The unfunny bone.
Stool Chart ~ Seating options, in order of preference.
Stool Specimen ~ Sit there until you provide what we need.
Sub Cut ~ Not quite drunk.
Sublingual ~ Can hardly talk.
Suppository ~ Dining room.
Surgical Pad ~ Accomodation for on-call medic.
Suspension ~ Expectation of post-retirement income.

Tablet ~ A small table.
Tachycardia ~ Unfunny greetings card.
Terminal Illness ~ Getting sick at the airport.
Theatre Dressing ~ Put your glad rags on, we're going to see a show!
Theatre Orderly ~ Just making sure we're ready for the next operation.
Titrate ~ Drinking enough to forget your cares without falling over.
Total Hip Replacement ~ restoration of cool.
Total Parenteral Nutrition ~ preference for Mom's Home Cooking.
Trial Without Catheter - No avoiding voiding before your case comes up.
T-Tube ~ A straw for hot drinks; a bombilla.
Tumor ~ More than one.

Ultrasound Scan ~ Safe and sensible way to examine a patient.
Umbilical cord ~ Part of a parachute.
Upper GI ~ High ranking soldier.
Urination ~ A new country.
Urine ~ You're not out.
Urology ~ Home study for egomaniacs.

Vagus Nerve ~ Staying calm while gambling away your hard-earned cash.
Varicose Veins
~ Veins which are too close together.
Vein ~ Conceited.
Ventilator ~ Air con.
Vital Signs ~ Important posters.
Volvulus ~ Swedish car envy.

Ward Round ~ No corners for the patients to hide in.
Warfarin ~ Inclined to be argumentative.
WHO Solution ~ Checking the ID bracelet.

Yankeur Sucker ~ Naive American.

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2 May 2016 | Copyright Andrew Heenan | | Privacy